Shop, Shop, Shop

My nanny told me that my baby does not like shopping. Perhaps he was noisy when they brought him there. I do not know the real reason behind her comment.

Anyway, as I recall her comment, I thought that it should not be true, unless my baby takes after the only odd person in the family, which is his grandfather (his father's side).

Everyone in our family loves shopping. My parents, my sister, my aunties and uncles (especially my mother's side). The same goes to my husband's family members.

But, back to my family's shopping habit, I should say that we are a different kind of shopaholic. Not the Rebecca type from the Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella though. We were wise shoppers who checked the types of material used for the items that we are interested in. We shop for long hours but that does not mean that we spend a lot too. We do not buy on impulse but only buy when we think that the item is worth the price.

Long hours of shopping. Yes.

Shopping with my aunties and uncles (of course, including in mom and my sis) is absolutely wonderful. We used to have shopping seasons of our own. Usually during the semester breaks when my mom, my sis and I would visit my uncles and their families in Manila. Sometimes, my aunty from Iloilo and her daughters would come over too.

Weak and Helpless

Life is so fragile and unpredictable. You'll never know what will happen in the future. You will even be surprise at the choices that you will be making, changing not only your life but also the lives of others, especially your loved ones.

I have made many choices in life but there is this one particular choice that has changed my entire life. To the world, nothing seems to be wrong but spiritually, I have made everyone who loves me sad.

The choice to marry a non-Christian is not wrong but the choice to marry him and leave Church is.

I have to admit that I have lived a lonely life all this while. I have been lonely and sad and scared.

This choice has made my meaningful life meaningless and there is no way I can seek happiness in this life.

And now, I do not know how to return. I am totally lost! I do not know which Church to go to, I do not know how to talk to my husband about God.

I have lost myself, lost many friends, lost all my loved ones and I do not know how to love anymore. Basically, there is no more love in me. How scary is that!

And yet I choose to stay put because I am scared of the unknown.

Oh Lord, please help me. Please have mercy on me and my family and change my heart. Lord, I need a clean heart. A heart that knows what true love is and a heart that truly love others.

I have become a scary person. A person that I do not want to become. Please help me, Lord. I am weak.

Homemaker

I've never thought that I would want to stay at home and take care of a toddler who doesn't have an effective communication skill yet. But I have given up my job to take care of him for half a year. I have amazed myself in some ways but there are still many things that I have to improve on.

Really feel like giving up but on the other hand, I do not know what is best for my child and I.

Uncertainties

My escapade will end in less than two weeks.

A lot of uncertainties ahead and I feel insecure. I should not have resigned in a haste. Or should I?

The thoughts of not having a job (means not having my own money = no power at home) makes me feel very uneasy. What more when I clearly know that my husband will be busier than before. Perhaps more traveling too.

Taking A Break

I am officially unemployed now. This is the fourth day.

How do I feel? Practically, nothing. 

Should I clarify that my unemployment was by choice? I need to take a break in order to think straight for the benefit of my family and myself. Haha! But that's true. That's the reason why I resigned. 

My life has been revolving around work, baby, hubby, work, baby, hubby, work, baby, hubby and etc..... and now, I am finally getting a break! 

The best thing is that it is not an ordinary break. It's an awesome break because I am in Europe now. Not on my own, of course, but with hubby who is busy with all his trainings. I am left all alone in a foreign land to do whatever I want. Isn't it great?

However, I hope this break will not last longer than it should be. 

I have to be back into the working world in a few months' time before my brain becomes too rusty. Anyway, since it is only the fourth day, I will let myself relax and enjoy the break first. 

Read some novels, write some nonsense, enjoy some television advertisements, have fun ordering food from a menu that I don't understand. Well, that's LIFE. 

My Grandpa

I never really knew my grandpa besides knowing that he is talkative and loves to talk about politics, history and traditional Chinese medicine.

Most of the time, he is in his room, reading something. He would also watch the news on the television on a daily basis without fail.

When I was in a good mood, I would have a conversation with him. However, these conversations would take too long as he would not stop talking and I would have to look for someone to "take over" and usually, it would be my sister, her husband or my husband.

Besides his dialect, which is Hokkien, my grandpa could read and write in Mandarin and English. He would mix these languages in his conversations.

When he was younger, my grandpa used to ride his bicycle to the nearby shops to buy some medicines or to meet up with his friends.

We have never gone on any trips together as he was not used to travelling. I do not think that he has ever been to a shopping mall.

Although he was thin, he loves food and would always want to have a taste of every type of food that we brought home. He did not like vegetables and preferred noodles to rice.

I never knew that my grandpa kept a diary. This "secret" was revealed after his death when my aunties cleared his room. His last diary was numbered "37". His last entry was an unfinished one as he was not able to write anymore. He only managed to scribble a few Chinese characters. I heard that he fell several days before be passed away and that entry could have been written on that day.

Now I know why I have the habit of keeping a diary since young. It's in the genes. LOL.

A Friend In History

I don't know when our friendship began
Neither do I know how it started
What I know is that it developed pretty fast

The pace excited me
For I have not anticipated it
But the results were terrifying too
As I lost this special friend
In a split of a second
Without knowing the reason

I have come to understand
The wisdom behind "slow and steady"
And why things done in a haste
Will always carry a cost
And leaves a scar
That reminds me to be careful

Lest I lost another friend
By committing unwanted mistakes
Lest I hurt myself deeper
Due to rejections from another
Whom I used to call
A Friend.